


Happy Never After

by cate-lynne (catelynne)



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-25 14:10:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3813457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catelynne/pseuds/cate-lynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and the reader have been in a relationship for a year when the past starts to get in the way of the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Truth

Sam and I had been dating for almost exactly a year when it happened.  I had never been happier in my life, honestly.  We were living in the bunker and I had finally found a family.  Dean was like the older brother I should have had, teaching me to shoot and fight and making me pie.  Sam was my best friend and boyfriend.  He was sweet and caring, always careful to make sure I was safe and happy.  After hunts, he would patch me up himself before paying attention to his wounds.  On our nights off, he would sit or lay with me to watch a movie or read, occasionally taking me out to dinner at nice restaurants or surprising me with romantic gestures.  Dean would roll his eyes and make snarky comments but I knew how happy he was that Sam was finally happy.  I loved watching his face relax when he sneaked looks at Sam’s smile or heard Sam laugh.  It was the best feeling in the world to know that I was making Sam and, by extension, Dean happy.  I hadn’t said it out loud or anything, but I had a feeling that Sam was The One.  I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with him.

Everything was perfect until a job popped up in my hometown.  I had no desire to go back there.  I tried to convince Sam that I should stay behind, at the bunker, so that I could do research in the expansive library while Sam and Dean looked for clues.  But the morning that the boys were going to leave, reports of fie more bodies went out and Dean decided we needed all hands on deck.  So I packed my bags and joined the boys in the Impala to return to the small town for the first time in three years.  We were an hour out when I decided I should warn the boys.

“Um, Sam? Dean?”

“What’s up, (Y/N)?” Dean said, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

“I should warn you…this is my hometown.”

“What?” Sam twisted around to look at me.  “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” I muttered.

“Are people going to know you?”

“I was a lore-obsessed orphan that was raised by the entire town.  I left three years ago.  What do you think?”

“Right.  Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Why do you think I wanted to stay in the bunker, Dean?”

They were silent for a few minutes before Sam spoke up again.

“This could actually be to our advantage.  If you know the town people, we won’t need the fed suits.”

“I would keep the badges with you.  Just in case.”

Both brothers nodded and went back to discussing which possible monsters we could be facing.  I looked out the window, chewing my bottom lip.  I wasn’t looking forward to going home.  I had left for a reason.  I had a life that I wanted to escape.  And I had.  I had gone on the road and become a hunter.  I found out my parents and older brother were also hunters, killed by a werewolf pack that I tracked down and killed.  My hunt had led me to the Winchesters, who were also hunting the pack.  We had teamed up and never parted ways since.  But they didn’t know anything about my past.  I had a feeling Dean wouldn’t care, but Sam…I had no idea how he was going to react if he found out.  And I had a bad feeling that he was going to.  Soon.

As we drove through the streets of the town, I looked at all the too-familiar buildings and various places I had spent a large part of my childhood in and around.  Not much had changed.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sam twist in his seat again to look at my face.  When he saw the expression on it, his eyebrows rose in concern.  Before he could ask what was wrong though, Dean spoke.

“Hey (Y/N), know anywhere we can stay?”

“Yeah.” I leaned forward to give him directions through a small but nice neighborhood.  When we pulled up next to a big yellow house, I touched his shoulder.

“We’re here.”

“Here?”

“Yep.”

I grabbed my bags and got out of the car, Sam and Dean following a few seconds later.  They both looked confused as I walked up the porch steps and waited for them.  They paused on the walk and looked at each other while I searched my pockets.

“(Y/N)….”

“Yeah, Sam?”

“Whose house is this?”

I finally found what I was looking for – a tiny silver house key.  I shoved it into the lock and opened the door.

“It’s mine,” I called over my shoulder before heading farther into the entrance way to wave the boys in.

“Yours?”  Dean asked, with wide eyes. “You have a house?”

“Well, yeah.  It was my parents’, but…”

“Wow.”  Sam was looking around, impressed. “This is great.”

“Not for long,” I muttered, peeking out the windows to see if it had started yet.  It hadn’t…but I knew it was just a matter of time.

“Why not?”

“Because everyone knows that this is my house and they can see Baby in the driveway.  They’re going to come and investigate.”  I turned and rummaged through my bags and pulled out a sundress and hairbrush after a few minutes.  “Stay here.  Don’t answer the door.”

Five minutes later, my face was washed, my hair was brushed, and my hunter clothes were stashed in one of the bags that had been shoved under the stairs.  I was uncomfortable in the dress, but knew that it would go over well with the more….uptight, judgmental members of the community.  Plus…from what I could see, Sam liked the dress.  When I came back into the room, his eyes skimmed my new outfit and his face lit up.  Dean was impressed too.

“Geez, (Y/N).  You look like a completely different person.  I had no idea you could be…you know, a girl.”

Sam looked at Dean disapprovingly but I just laughed.  “Thanks, Dean.”

Sam slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to plant a kiss in my hair. 

“You look gorgeous,” he muttered against my hair.

I smiled up at him before pulling away.  “Okay guys, your turn.”

“What?”

“You can’t look like that around these people.”

“Like what?”

“Like hooligans.  Come with me.”

When I was done, Dean wore a clean, plain black t-shirt and his best jeans.  I refused to let him put a flannel over it.  He rubbed his arms a couple of times, send me half-hearted glares.

“I feel naked.”

“Suck it up, buttercup.  These people are pretty suspicious of outsiders, so you have to do your best to get their approval or our job is going to be a hundred times more difficult.  There,” I said, stepping back from Sam and his slightly damp hair to survey my work.  He also wore his best jeans, but his t-shirt was dark blue instead of black.  Both of the boys were clean-shaven.  They looked almost…normal.  It was kind of disturbing.  Sam smiled as if he knew what I was thinking and pulled me closer.  I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, ignoring Dean’s fake-disgusted protests, just as the doorbell rang.  I gave both of the boys one last look before smoothing my hair and dress as I walked to the front door.  Taking a deep breath, I hoisted a smile onto my face and pulled the door open to reveal…

“Mrs. Clark!  Mrs. Gills!  How lovely to see you!”

The middle-aged women, both pillars of the community, looked shocked.  They took in my appearance, from my bare feet to the cheery sundress to my hair cascading down my shoulders.  Then they both smiled and pulled me into a hug.

“(Y/N)!” Mrs. Clark gushed. “We’re so happy to see you-!”

“We weren’t sure when we saw the car, so we had to come and see-”

“Oh, won’t Lara be so excited to know you’re back!”

I smiled and opened the door wider. “Would you like to come in?”

“Oh, I’m afraid I left a roast in the oven so I have to get home, but it was nice to see you dear,” Mrs. Gill said, meaning _I’m going to go call everyone in town to let them know you’re here_.

“Of course.  I hope I get a chance to see you later.”  She turned to hurry away while I led Mrs. Clark to the living room.  Sam and Dean were both there, Sam reading a book while Dean looked around the room, taking in the few family photos from my infancy with a small smile.

“Oh, you’ve brought friends!” Mrs. Clark tittered.  I could see her getting flustered by their good looks and I felt a surge of pride at my family.  They really looked like they could belong here. 

“Ms. Clark, this is Sam Winchester, my boyfriend, and his brother, Dean.  Boys, this is Mrs. Clark.”

“Ma’am,” Dean said, surprising me by being the first to stride forward to shake her hand.  Sam was close behind him.  Once introductions were done, I slipped my hand into Sam’s and smiled up at him.  Mrs. Clark was listening intently to some story Dean was telling her, probably our fabricated story about how we had all met (Dean was an FBI agent returning from a case and Sam was driving him back from the airport when they saw me stranded by the side of the road standing next to a smoking car – or something like that) but I caught the way her eyes flickered between me and Sam occasionally.  I couldn’t help but feel nervous.

We repeated that event probably fifty more times with little variation.  The only really different visitor was Lara Hill.  When I opened the door to see her beaming face, I forgot all about putting up a front for those people and threw myself into her arms.  She gripped me tightly, nearly lifting me off of my feet.

“Oh, my girl,” she murmured into my hair and I nearly started crying.  I had missed her so much.  Suddenly, she pulled back to inspect my face with a concerned and slightly hopeful expression on her face.

“Do you have…?” I shook my head and she nodded sadly, pulling me into a hug again.  “How did it happen?”

“Car accident,” I lied.  “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“You got it, sweetie.”

At that moment, Sam called my name.  Lara looked at me curiously and I blushed. “That’s Sam.  My boyfriend.  His brother Dean is here, too.”

“Well, then.  Time for this Sam to meet the family, huh?”

I laughed and led her into the living room. Sam and Dean were surrounded by several elderly women, looking slightly panicked.

“He’s the tall one,” I whispered in Lara’s ear and watched her eyes go round as she took in the towering form of my boyfriend.

“Wow,” she winked at me.  I blushed again.

“Alright, old ladies, move!” she said loudly, striding towards the trapped Winchesters.  “Time for me to meet my little girl’s man.”

The older women shuffled to the side and continued to chatter excitedly to each other, casting glances back at Sam and Dean.  But Sam and Dean had focused on Lara’s words and the woman approaching them.  She stuck her hand out to Sam when she reached him.

“Lara Hill,” she said, looking him straight in the eye.

“Sam Winchester,” Sam replied, looking back at her calmly.  I was proud to see how relaxed he was.  It always surprised me how naturally all this came to him.  I hurried forward.

“Sam and Dean, Lara.  Lara, Sam and Dean.”  She released Sam’s hand to take Dean’s.  “Lara raised me.”

Both of the boys glanced between us, obviously surprised.

“Really?” Dean asked.

“Yep,” Lara said, proudly and was about to say something else when the old ladies swarmed the brothers again.  Lara chuckled and came to stand by me. “Have you seen-?”

“No.”

She looked at me, worried. “You should, sweetie.  Boy’s been a mess without you.”

I didn’t answer her.  I could see Sam glancing at me, a worried expression on his face.  I wasn’t ready for this.  I wasn’t ready for him to know.  I didn’t think I ever would be.  I should have known better than to think I could hide it forever.

It was around ten o’clock that he showed up.  Everyone else had left hours ago and we were finally able to relax.  I had changed back into jeans and a t-shirt with one of Sam’s giant laid flannels over the top.  The boys had both tugged flannels on the minute the last visitor had left.  We were all lying around the living room, drinking beer and laughing about some of the more entertaining moments of the day when I heard it.  Someone was knocking, no pounding, on the front door.  I thought about ignoring it, but soon that option was taken away from me.

“(Y/N)!  (Y/N)! Open up!  I know you’re in there!”

Sam and Dean looked at me.

“Who’s that?” Sam asked.

“No one good,” I muttered, pulling myself up and padding quietly to the front door.  I heard Sam and Dean get up to follow me.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!  It’s me!”

I pulled open the door and he nearly fell inside.  He caught himself on the doorframe though and straightened up, using his free hand to push his hair out of the way.  He looked almost the same as he had three years ago.  Dark blue eyes and burly brown hair accompanied by high school football player physique.  The only difference was that he was considerably skinnier, the kind of skinny that happens when a person is sick.

As soon as he saw my face, he lunged forward and pulled me into a hug.  I could practically feel how confused the boys were.  I shifted uncomfortably in his arms.

“Hi, Jimmy.”

He released me, only to grab my shoulders and hold me at arms’ length.  He looked me up and down like he was making sure I was all there. 

“(Y/N),” he breathed.  “I can’t believe you’re here.”

I pulled away and took a step closer to Sam.  Jimmy’s face fell as he looked between Sam and I and his eyes dropped to see me lace my fingers with Sam’s.

“Well, this is awkward,” Dean said.

“Oh, sorry.  Jimmy, this is Dean Winchester and his brother Sam…my boyfriend.”

A look of hurt flashed across Jimmy’s face, but he tried to hide it with a painful looking smile.

“Hey. Nice to meet you.”  He shook hands with Dean and then Sam.

“What are you doing here, Jimmy?”

He turned to face me. “I heard you were back.  I had to see you.  And…her.  Or him.  Which is it?  Is she here?”

I didn’t want this to happen.  Not here, not now.  Not ever, really.  I didn’t know what to address first.

“Um, (Y/N)?  What’s he talking about?”  Sam sounded concerned and I had to fight the urge to slam the door on Jimmy’s hopeful and expectant face.  But I knew.  There was no escaping this.  Jimmy deserved to know the truth and so did Sam.  I let go of Sam’s hand and stepped away from him.  We now formed a tiny triangle on the porch – Sam and Dean in the doorway, Jimmy on the steps, and me.  I hovered between the two, unable to decide who I should be addressing.  Eventually, I turned to Sam and Dean.

“When I left here three years ago…I was pregnant.”

Dean opened his mouth, but no words came out.  I could see the surprise on both of their faces.  Sam didn’t say anything, just looked at me with eyes so full of emotion it was overwhelming.  I couldn’t look at him anymore so I looked at Jimmy.

“A few weeks after I left, I was in a car accident.”  I looked at the wooden floor boards under my bare feet.  “She didn’t make it.”

Jimmy paled and I heard Sam take a deep breath at the same time Dean muttered “Son of a bitch…” quietly.

“She…A daughter.  I had a daughter,” Jimmy said.  “What was her – Did you name her?”

“Violet,” I said quietly.  That had been Jimmy’s mother’s name.  “Her name is Violet.”

Sam and Dean still hadn’t moved.  Sam hadn’t said a word; he just kept staring at me with a blank expression.  Dean was staring at me with eyes full of pity.  I had tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.  I threw my head back and blinked at the lightbulb over the door, willing my eyes to take back the tears.

“She’s buried,” I said, my voice thick.  “She’s in the children’s section of a cemetery in Pennsylvania.”

Sam and Dean both started a little.  I knew what they were thinking: we had met in Pennsylvania.

I looked at Jimmy to see tears running down his face. “She was tiny.  And beautiful.”

“I wish I could have seen her,” Jimmy said quietly.  He took a couple of steps toward me and touched tentative fingers on my cheek.  I took a deep breath, still trying not to cry. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Good.”  He pulled me into another hug.  “I’ve gotta go, but promise me something?”

“What?” I sniffed.

“Say goodbye before you leave this time.”

I nodded and he pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek.  Sam cleared his throat and tensed up.  Without another word, Jimmy released me and gave Sam and Dean a little wave before he turned to go.  I could feel Sam’s presence disappear behind me as he retreated back into the house, Dean following after a couple of seconds.  I didn’t turn around.  I was watching Jimmy walk back down the sidewalk in the light mist that the clouds had decided to release.  His shoulders were hunched and his head was down, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the weather.

“I promise.”


	2. The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader tells Sam and Dean the truth about her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so much shorter than the first one. the final chapter will be dauntingly long, I promise.  
> Also, I updated Chapter One – there were a few mistakes, but nothing major changed. Also, I might have given the impression that this was only going to be a one-shot. This is not the case. There’ll be one more chapter after this one. Apologies.

Back inside the house, Sam and Dean were waiting for me in the living room.  As soon as I entered the room, Sam engulfed me in a huge hug, making it hard for me to breathe. I took in his scent, a combination of mint and books that I loved, and felt some of the tension leave my body.  I let out the breath I had holding and tears started to escape with it.  I could feel Sam’s chest shuddering when he took a breath.  I let a sob break out but swallowed the ones that tried to follow and quickly dried my tears on his shirt.  When he released me, Dean took his place.  He smelled like gunpowder, pie, and leather, so familiar.  Mint and books and gunpowder, pie, and leather – the smell of home.  When Dean let me go, we all sat on the couch, Sam holding my hand on one side and Dean rubbing tiny circles on my back on the other.  It made me feel better to have them so close, supporting me.

“Jesus, (Y/N), why didn’t you tell us?”  Dean didn’t sound mad.  Just sad and confused.

“I didn’t-” The tears were flowing freely now but I didn’t care.  “I didn’t want you to blame yourselves.”

“Why would we-”

“There was no car accident.”

“What?” Sam sounded confused.  I took a deep breath.  I had carried this secret for three years, suffering under the weight of my grief and the part of myself that I had to keep hidden from Sam and Dean, my family.  But it was time.  They deserved the truth. 

“Remember when we met? On the werewolf hunt?”

“Yeah?”

“I lost her during the hunt.”  The memories were starting to swirl around my head and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to block them out.  _Pain, snarling teeth, blood, claws_.  Phantom pain sparked in my stomach and shoulder and I tried my best to ignore it.

“Shit,” Dean breathed.  I could see his thoughts going back over the events, the different battles, trying to figure out when exactly it had happened.  But he wouldn’t be able to figure it out by himself. He hadn’t seen it happen.  Neither of them had.

“How did it happen, (Y/N)?”  Sam’s voice was all concern and pity for me.  All his focus was on me and it made me think about when I had first met him.  He had been kind, then, and protective over me.  I could remember thinking, _This must be one of the best men I’ve ever met._ It was the reason I had done it.

“That wolf that attacked me.  Remember, I was in the hospital after?”

“Yeah, she ripped open your…Oh no,” Dean’s eyes widened in horror, matching Sam.

I nodded. “I saw her.  She was going to attack – and I didn’t think, I just jumped – I jumped in the way…”

The tears were coming fast and strong, enough to make me incoherent.  I could see the confusion on the boys’ faces.  It took several minutes of deep breathing for me to calm down enough to speak.

“Your back was turned.  She was going to rip you apart, Sam.”

I could see the exact moment he understood.  The expression on his face went from confused but compassionate to understanding to horrified.  He understood that I had sacrificed myself and my unborn baby to save his life.  He hung his head and I saw a few tears escape.  Dean opened his mouth but no words came out.  It was the first time I had seen him speechless.

“Why?” Sam asked, so lowly I almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“Why did you do it?”  He sounded pained and I sighed to myself.  This was exactly why I hadn’t told him.  He was going to blame himself for a future he had taken away from me.  It didn’t matter if I told him he had given me one that I had never hoped to experience – he would still feel guilty.

“I don’t know.  I saw her running towards you and I just…reacted.”

I could still remember exactly what happened.  Sam was facing away from me, putting a silver bullet in a young wolf that had his teeth buried in Sam’s arm.  The wolf came out of nowhere, headed straight for Sam, murder in her eyes.  I launched myself forward and directly into her path.  I felt her teeth in my shoulder and her claws digging into my stomach and burning pain.  And then the world turned black.  When I had woken up, I was in the hospital, attached to machines and tubes.  Sam and Dean were there, beside my bed.  When they saw I was awake, Dean ran to get the doctor.  The man had been older and kind.  He had asked Sam and Dean to leave so he could talk to me.  And he told me that I had lost a lot of blood…resulting in the loss of my baby and permanent damage to some internal organs.  I had been so upset that they had to sedate me again.  The next time I woke up, I was discharged and given the task of burying my baby.  It had been the worst week of my life.  Odd, that the worst week would also be the best; because that was the week I met the Winchesters.

I never told Sam and Dean because I knew they would blame themselves.  I couldn’t stand the thought of the two men who had taken me in without question feeling pain because of me.  So Violet Samantha (Y/L/N), named after her grandmother and the man she had died for, became nothing more than a headstone and a tiny casket in a tiny cemetery outside of Philadelphia.  I went to visit her on the anniversary every year, telling the boys I had a hunt or just wanted a couple of days off.  But I wouldn’t have to lie to them anymore.  Everything had changed.  Now they knew the truth.

We stayed up late into the night, the tears of the strongest men I knew mingling with my own as they held me tight and tried to comfort me.

…

Three days later, the case was wrapped up (vengeful spirit) and the boys and I were enjoying having a day or two to stay in the house and relax.  At first, the boys had been reluctant to stay, but I had won them over eventually with my pleas to stay just a little longer to see Lara.  I had gotten a chance to see her and had even called Jimmy to see when he would be free to talk.  He had said that he didn’t know, what with his work schedule, but he would drop by sometime.  That afternoon, I was lounging around the living room with Dean.  The windows were open and a cool breeze blew through the room.  I was flicking through John Winchester’s journal while watching with amusement as Dean scarfed down apple pie.  Sam was upstairs, taking a shower.  I had never felt so relaxed.  I glanced at my phone and the date caught my eye.  I went cold.  How could I have forgotten?

“Um, Sam? Dean?” I said, standing up and starting to gather our scattered belongings into random bags.  “We gotta go.”

“What?” Dean said, his mouth full of the pie that Lara had dropped off a few hours ago.  “Why?”

“Because!  I lost track – I just…We have to leave! NOW!”

“Hey, hey, okay, calm down (Y/N),” Sam said, appearing at my side with wet hair and wearing a clean pair of jeans and an orange and yellow plaid shirt.  He helped pull the zipper I was struggling with closed.  “Tell us what’s going on.”

“It’s April 27th.  It’s the anniversary.  I go to visit her every year.  But I lost track of the days and, I just – please, Sam.”  I looked at him helplessly, tears in my eyes.

“Okay,” he said, and the next minute, Sam and Dean were both moving around the house, picking stuff up.  Dean was shoving all our hunting gear in duffel bags while Sam ran back upstairs to grab some clothes from the bedrooms. Dean and I froze when there was a knock on the door.  Dean hurried tossed the guns in the bag and zipped it shut while I went to answer the door, muttering under my breath.

“This is not the time for-” I stopped when I opened the door to see Jimmy with his hands in his pockets and a hopeful expression on his face. “Jimmy, what are you doing here?”

He took in the assorted clothes, a jumbled mixture of my jeans, Sam’s plaid flannels, and Dean’s t-shirts all spilling out of my arms.  His eyes grew wider. “I just…I wanted to see you.  Are you going somewhere?”

“Uh, just for today.  I’ll be back later tonight.”  I had forgotten about him, to be honest.  And my promise to say goodbye.

“What?” Dean said, managing to eat pie and shove clothes into bags at the same time.  He swallowed. “We’re coming back?”

“Yeah.”

“But-” I knew he wanted to get back on the road.  No matter how nice it was to have an actual house to stay in, we belonged on the road and we were all getting restless.  But Jimmy had to know or at least think we were coming back, otherwise he would make a scene and I didn’t have time to deal with that.

“Dean.”

He glanced at Jimmy and nodded. “Fine, but you’re making dinner when we get back, (Y/N).”

“Deal.”  I turned back to Jimmy. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, looking at the ground.  I could tell he didn’t believe me.  And I didn’t blame him.  I had said much the same thing when I had left three years ago…

…

_“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own tonight?” Jimmy looked at me, concern on his face.  But his eyes were shining and this was the happiest I had seen him in months.  I hated it._

_“Yes, Jimmy,” I said, exasperated.  I had told him that I was pregnant a few hours ago, and since then he had started treated me like I was made out of glass.  He had walked me to my front door and stood there, grinning, as I unlocked the door and went inside.  I looked at his feet when I turned around to close the door.  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”_

…

“Okay,” I said, forcing a smile and starting to shut the door.  I could hear Sam coming down the stairs behind me. “Have a nice-”

The next thing I knew, Jimmy had pushed his way through the door and was grabbing my face, pulling me into a kiss.  The clothes I had been holding fell to the ground when I tried to push Jimmy off of me.  Despite how skinny was, he was still stronger than me and he wouldn’t let go.  His lips were crushed against mine and I felt his teeth bite down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood.  I heard Sam shout behind me and Dean ran in behind him to see what the problem was.

“Hey!” Sam’s furious voice was loud in my ear and I cringed, still fighting Jimmy.

And then suddenly, he was flying backwards, a hand held to his jaw and a bruise already forming.  Sam went to hit him again, but Dean grabbed his arm.

“Sam! Let it go!”

“Don’t touch her,” Sam growled. I had never seen him look so angry.  Or scary.  I put a hand to my mouth and it came away wet with blood.

“She was mine long before she was yours.  We’re meant to be together. We had a child!”  His words only angered Sam more and he tried to shake Dean off. 

“Stop it, Jimmy!” I shouted, grabbing Sam’s other arm and trying to haul him back into the house.

“Sam, calm down!”

“(Y/N), please!” Jimmy started pleading.  “Stay here.  With me.  We can have a family.”

“No,” I said, clinging to Sam, wishing we had never come here, wishing the boys hadn’t found out…wishing I could turn the clock back to before the case.  Or three years ago.  But I couldn’t do that.  If I did, I would never have met Sam and Dean, and they meant more to me than anything in the world now.   “I’m going.  I belong with Sam and Dean, Jimmy.  We’re leaving and…I’m never coming back.”

Then I yanked Sam inside and shut the door on a stunned and heartbroken Jimmy.

Once the door closed, Sam calmed down enough to turn and make sure I was okay, shaking Dean off.

“(Y/N), you alright?”  He was looking at the blood dripping from my lip but I wiped it off roughly.

“Yeah, let’s just get out of this stupid town, okay?”

So we packed up all our things and hit the road, making our way to Pennsylvania.  We left my past in the rear view mirrors of Baby and sped towards the future that I might have had.

…

A few hours later, we were pulling up to the curb outside the black iron fence surrounding the cemetery.  Dean and Sam didn’t want to intrude and were going to stay in the car but I couldn’t bear the thought of going alone.  Now that they knew about her, they might as well come with.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked, looking into my eyes.  Even after discovering the past that I had hidden from him and the years I had spent lying to him and his brother, he was still worried about me.  I didn’t see any of the anger or resentment that I had been dreading for so long.

“Of course,” I said, twining my fingers with his.  He walked beside me, with Dean a few steps behind, up a gently sloping hill to a tiny headstone that stood alone.  The stone was white and showed no indication of time.  Yet.  It had only been three years.   The words that I had chosen for her headstone told her entire story, short though it may be.  I was quiet while the boys read the little words.

 

Violet Samantha (Y/L/N)

April 27, 2012

“For no greater love is there than this –

to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

 

I heard Sam’s breath catch in his throat and he squeezed my hand.  I looked up at him and gave him a small, sad smile.  He had tears in his eyes and his voice was thick when he spoke.

“Violet Samantha?”

“She died for you, Sam.  I thought it right that she be named after you.  Even only partially.”

He couldn’t speak but I could see how much it meant to him that I had given my daughter his name.  Dean cleared his throat and stepped forward, bending down so that his face was only feet away from the little stone that marked the place where my daughter lay. 

“Thank you,” he said seriously, touching his fingers to the cool stone.  Then he looked up at me. “Both of you.”

Suddenly, in my mind’s eye, I saw Dean crouching down, not to touch a stone, but a perfect toddler with Jimmy’s hair and my eyes.  She smiled up at him and touched his face even as his hand came into contact with her shoulder.  But I blinked and the vision was gone.  Looking at Dean, he looked shaken, leaving me to wonder if I had been the only one to see the apparition of my daughter.

I smiled at him and pulled him back up so that I could give him a hug.  But before I could, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two tangled chains.

“I’ve got something for you,” he said gruffly, carefully separating the chains and handing me the longer one.  I looked down at the necklace and saw a pendant the size of a nickel spinning on the end.  It was an anti-possession symbol that matched the tattoos that both of the boys had on their chests.  I looked back up at Dean with a thank you on my lips but stopped but when I saw him leaning back down to place a smaller, second necklace on my daughter’s grave.  Tears sprang out of nowhere and cascaded down my cheeks.  Sam wrapped his arms around me and Dean joined the hug a minute later.

“She’s our family, too, (Y/N),” Dean said, muffled against my hair.  “We’ll never forget her or the reason she died.”

“I wish she had met you two,” I choked out.  “She would have loved you.”

“And we would have loved her,” Sam assured me, but he didn’t need to.  I already knew that the boys would have loved her.  Sam probably would have taken on the role of doting father, gentle and protective, while Dean became the fun uncle who let her do things that she wasn’t supposed to when he thought I wasn’t looking.  They would have been the perfect family for her.  But she was never going to get to eat Dean’s pie.  Or have Sam hide the guns and hunter’s journals from her.  She was never going to run around the library of the bunker, making Sam laugh and distracting him from research.  Dean was never going to teach her how to drive in the Impala or how to fix cars.  The boys would never try and succeed in intimidating her first date.  They would never be there to try and help her fix up the pieces of her first broken heart.  They would never show her how to lay salt lines or make hex bags.  Neither would I.  I would never see my little girl grow up surrounded by my family and the only one I wanted for her.

The future that might have been had been haunting me for years.  I didn’t think it would ever leave me alone.  The ghost, real or imagined, of my little girl would follow me around for the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry guys! I was planning on there being one more chapter after this, but I decided to cram it all into one big chapter two because I have a couple of really big projects coming up. Let me know what you think? Thanks, kitten.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAUGH feels! Leave me some thoughts below!


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